The Art of Rising Above

Pick, Pick, Pick

My brothers and I are each six and a half years apart.  In many ways this makes us operate more like only children than like normal siblings.  We certainly had our issues growing up, but we generally didn’t battle it out on a regular basis the way many siblings do.

Conversely, I had three kids in four years.  Yikes.  What was I thinking?  On a good day I’ll tell you how lucky they are to have built-in playmates.  On a bad day all I hear is bicker, bicker, bicker.  Pick, pick, pick.  I never knew three people who could manufacture such petty arguments in such a short time.

What my children haven’t figured out yet is that the crux of their grievances with each other often gets lost in the midst of their bickering.  I generally react either to their incessant noise or because someone starts to cry. While peace may be temporarily restored, the source of the problem remains, just waiting to erupt again.

Workshop Anyone?

As a consultant, my natural tendency is to problem solve.  When I listen in on their arguments it is hard for me to resist the temptation to build a straw-man model and run a mini-workshop.  Surely if we talk it out we can find a workable solution!

The problem with this approach is that often what my children see as urgent is such a low-hanging fruit in terms of family issues that it hardly bears acknowledging.  Do we really need to waste an hour discussing why it is IMPOSSIBLE to share a music stand?  Believe me we could, and I could develop some thoughtful recommendations for moving forward……

The real issue in the case is sharing, and solving this, from my experience, will take patience and persistence.  It is not an easy, quick fix.

The Heart of the Matter

What strikes me is the symmetry between picky sibling problems and making sound recommendations.  When undertaking any kind of organizational assessment it is easy, and indeed tempting, to focus on the obvious, picky problems.  Stakeholders often try to keep a conversation mired in the weeds to avoid talking about what really matters.

The challenge is acknowledging these kinds of issues without focusing on them.  The best recommendations tend to contain an AHA element, tempered with a realization that their implementation will take some work.  It is only by rising above and taking an objective view of the whole picture that it is possible to determine what is really going on.