Sibling Rivalry

My boys have trouble finding common ground.  That may be the understatement of the decade, by the way.  They are simply very different individuals who rarely agree on anything:  sports, books or games.  My brothers are six and thirteen years younger than I am.  It didn’t matter all that much whether or not our interests jived; we simply co-existed.

As a result, sibling rivalry is new for me.  I had three kids in four years.  Crazy?  Perhaps.  Fractious?  Absolutely.  The hard truth, however, is that most kids fight, and the closer in age they are they greater the intensity of their battles.

Expect the Unexpected

So you can imagine my surprise (and delight) to see my boys come together in a most unexpected way.  My older son has a severe nut allergy.  We maintain a completely nut-free house, and he is very careful of what and how he eats at restaurants and at other people’s homes.  I recently discovered that my younger son is extremely sensitive to dairy.  Oddly enough, accommodating his dietary needs is proving harder than dealing with no nuts.  No more cheese, no more cream sauces and much more limited butter…..

To wrap my head around dairy-free dinners I bought a “paleo” cookbook.  I love cookbooks, so why not explore a new perspective.  What I did not expect was to find my boys pouring over it together discussing all the meals they wanted to try.

I told my chiropractor this story because she has been such an integral part of my journey towards better health.  She proceeded to share how when she feeds her extended family they will eat her healthy food (meatloaf with organ meat and a side of kale) as long as they don’t know what is in it.  All they know in the end is that it is delicious and has fully satisfied them.

Finding Common Ground

Together, these two stories remind me of a successful focus group.  So often a session involves bringing people together with vastly different perspectives and experiences who may or may not even want to be there.  Likewise, some participants may not be all that interested in the topic at hand and may not think they have anything to share.

Yet, what is so interesting is how people find common ground.  It is often those who seem completely at odds who come together on a particular point, which then proves pivotal to the overall result.  Other times, the process to get to this result is messy and unappealing.  Yet the end result is surprisingly satisfactory, making it almost possible to forget what went into getting the outcome.

Hmmmm, maybe I need to worry less about the fact that my boys fight and celebrate instead what happens when they come together!

It’s Thanksgiving!!

I love this time of year.  Our family embraced “American” Thanksgiving our first fall in Raleigh and we have never looked back!  As I started getting ready for the big event it struck me how much Thanksgiving dinner is like a focus group.  Just like any good focus group, getting it right involves careful preparation, well thought-out execution and an efficient wrap-up.  Let me elaborate.

Preparation

The key to a successful focus group is careful preparation.  Without time to plan and think about desired outcomes there is no guarantee of a good result.  Thanksgiving is just the same.

I am hosting nineteen this year:  eleven adults and eight children.  Since I am not planning to spend a week in the kitchen, I started planning right after Hallowe’en.  At the time it seemed early, but considering how time flies I am glad I did.

Despite having so much time, I still made mistakes.  I know from experience that a straw model, however imperfect, usually leads to better results than a blank canvas.  What did I do:  I sent out a blanket e-mail asking what everyone wanted to bring.  Result:  a flurry of e-mails, some duplication, minor intervention to sort out the meal.

Planning for this year’s Thanksgiving also forced me to be flexible.  I was originally planning for fifteen, which would have been easier to seat and serve.  I then found out a dear friend was not going to visit family.  Of course they have to join us.  Flexibility is essential when planning a focus group.  You may end up with more people, you may end up with less.  Your venue might change.  The trick is rolling with the unexpected and getting back on track as quickly as possible.

While we may be crowded together on Thursday, the benefit of our additional guests is that we will have an even better meal.  If all goes according to plan there will be enough food for everyone, but not so much that we are eating leftovers until Christmas.  I am also confident that the myriad of dietary restrictions encompassed among my guests will be taken care of, allowing everyone to relax and partake.

Execution

For me the execution of the project is the best part.  With careful planning, project execution comes naturally.  Executing a focus group involves more than attending a meeting, or in this eating a meal.  It involves methodically doing a myriad of tasks needed to make the event a success.

Just as during a focus group much of the dinner execution is behind the scenes.  Until you prepare both the room and materials, your focus group doesn’t stand a chance.  The same goes for Thanksgiving.  Executing Thanksgiving involves:  setting the table in a way that allows for seamless movement of two shifts of eaters, shopping and cooking.  Without doing these steps the meal itself won’t come together.

The actual meal, although the pinnacle of the project, takes up only a fraction of the execution time.  It is necessary to lay a firm foundation to ensure that it actually is the highlight, and not an underwhelming waste of time.

Wrap-Up

The project is over.  The participants talked about more than they dreamed possible in a short period of time.  It is time to pack up and go home…..maybe for the participants, but not for the facilitator.  Wrapping up a project is critical.  Can you imagine walking away from Thanksgiving and leaving the dishes for another day and the leftovers out to rot?  I thought not.

Wrapping-up is hard to do.  There is an inevitable let down once everyone leaves.  Yet, until everything is put away the focus group lingers on.  I find it difficult to move on to another project when loose ends are hanging over me.

So to wrap this up:  I’m off to the kitchen…..