Clueless

Social Media Neophyte

“Mommy, this is hilarious!” “What is so funny?”, I ask. “Look”. I look at the screen of his phone and see a list of comments attached to crazy names and even crazier pictures. Apparently, something is trending on Instagram, and if I were even remotely hip I would understand and be rolling on the floor laughing with him. Instead, I’m clueless. Totally left out of the joke.

Let me lay it out there. I don’t get social media. I am not on Facebook, got an i-phone for my 40th birthday and am slowing learning to navigate Twitter. Writing this blog is actually a stretch for me. And full disclosure, I nearly lost a draft of this post by saving it as a new page and not a post. Who knew there was such a big difference…..

At Least I’m not a Helicopter Mom…..

Over the past few years child-rearing trends have been swinging away from helicopter parenting towards free range parenting. For the most part, I feel that my peers and I are in line with this shift. We are generally doing our best to give our kids the space within which to “fail”. I would venture to guess that kids today have more freedom to roam than did their peers even ten years ago.

Even schools seem to be aligned with these trends. I have seen a marked decrease in elementary school homework in five years. “Play and read” is the new mantra in second grade. I interpret this as take time to develop life skills to be able to cope when the stakes are actually high.

Schools in our area are also actively encouraging parents to seek out alternatives to carpool. “Let your kids walk or bike to school.” The hidden message is that not only is it good for their health, but also for their souls. And guess what? Chances are pretty high they will manage to get home safely!

And the Problem is?

So herein lies the rub. Just as society is easing up on kids and giving them back the boundaries within which to learn how to make their own decisions, this thing called social media is taking over their lives. I realize that many, if not most, members of Generation X are more adept with technology than I am. The problem is that that is not enough. Their kids are ahead of them.

Neither is it simply a matter of withholding technology from them. Technology is used in schools, it is required for homework, and it is the lynchpin of their social lives. My son was among the last of his peers to get a phone, and strangely it was not that big a deal when he got one.

I wish I did understand what so funny on Instagram. It would make teaching my children to use technology wisely much easier. As it is, even if I wanted to be a helicopter parent around technology I couldn’t be, and that scares me.

Silly Season is Underway

Let the Silly Season Begin

Silly Season in Full-Swing

So it seems that election silly season is in full swing. I can’t even behave like a smug Canadian this go around because our own election kicked into gear a full six weeks early (not that I am allowed to vote, but more on that another time). The irony of all this is that for better or worse many Canadians follow American politics very closely. We don’t always understand how things work, but we sure have an opinion.

This was brought home to me when my eldest son, Canadian born, I must add, came home from camp in Ontario aghast at how focused his cabin-mates were on the Donald Trump phenomenon. “They are way more interested in this than I am”, he said. Admittedly, I wouldn’t mind him paying a bit more attention, but frankly I think that unlike his mother, he is developing a healthy filter on when to start paying attention.

It’s all about the “Others”

This go around, however, I am glad that I am paying attention, for I think there is the potential for some fascinating match-ups. Like most sane people I know I really do hope and believe that Donald Trump will disappear before primary season starts in earnest. My worry is that he is making so much money with all this free publicity that he will stick around way too long.

Yet, it seems that if nothing else, Trump is shaking up the race in unexpected ways. What was supposed to be a relative cakewalk for Jeb Bush has become all about the “others”. It is within these others that things are getting interesting.

A Level Playing Field

I am particularly intrigued by the possibility of a Carly/Hillary matchup, and not for the same reasons as most pundits. The New York Times opinion pages is debating whether or not Carly Fiorina is a Feminist. Did she pave the way for women or is she putting up roadblocks to their well-being? While this debate raises a number of interesting questions, I think it misses a key point. A Carly/Hillary contest would be exciting because it might just usher in a post-feminist era.

In a funny way I believe two women vying to be commander in chief would do more to level the playing field than anything else. How refreshing would be be to hear women debating Planned Parenthood instead of men? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to listen to each woman put forward her policy platform and evaluate them issue by issue. Sure, the media (and all of us) would still focus on clothes and hair, but let’s face it, that is just part of being a woman.

As the millennial generation truly comes of age and social norms are increasingly questioned and challenged, why not up-end traditional gender roles by taking “gender” out of the equation. This year’s silly season just may turn out to be one of the smartest in a long time…..

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An Impartial View

Ruth Cole is one of my favourite fictional characters. Since first reading John Irving’s masterful A Widow for One Year in graduate school I have kept an image of Ruth in my mind. I love how, on the one hand, she is deeply flawed and vulnerable, yet, on the other she is tough and feisty. This yin and yang combo makes me want to root for her and protect her at the same time.

I recently re-read Widow. My bookclub had just read A Prayer for Owen Meany, and I felt an intense hunger for more Irving. Ruth beckoned, and she did not disappoint. On re-reading I realized that I still adore Ruth, only now I identify with her more as a peer than simply a character.

Widow is an intense, emotionally charged novel that explores themes of loss, abuse and abandonment. Knowing that, even if you haven’t read the book, it might seem odd to hear that one of the scenes that struck me most this read involves Ruth’s reaction to her German readers wanting her to be more “political.” Against a backdrop of impending German re-unification, Ruth’s German readers hunger for more of her than she is willing (or able) to give. They see her as a social commentator while she sees herself as a storyteller. Her sales rep explains: “your books are political but you aren’t.”(p. 348)

This scene struck me on two levels. First, I relate to it as a consultant. One of the hardest parts of consulting, or at least for me, is remaining an impartial observer hired to help change or tell a story. In my opinion, it is a tremendous skill to maintain an air of neutrality no matter how strong the urge to interject. Holding back some of one’s self is essential to having the credibility to tell the story in way that resonates with a wide audience and not just one group of constituents.

I also think we all have something to learn from Ruth. We need more independent observers in all walks of life. Social problems are inherently political but how we tackle them day-to-day does not need to be. Someone’s inherent bias (and we all have one) should matter less than their unique take on a possible solution. Being engaged in social issues is healthy for society; constantly politicizing solutions is not.

Maybe the over-arching lesson is to put less stock in pundits, and give ourselves over to a good book!

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