Tag Archives: opinion

Girl Power

Girl Power Eight-Year Old Style

“SHHH. Be quiet. I need to hear this!” So yelled my eight-year old daughter at her brothers. Scott Pelley’s recent interview with Hillary Clinton was about to air on the CBS Evening News.

My daughter, you see, is an unwavering Hillary fan and supporter. She doesn’t really understand the issues yet, particularly as they relate to her well being. She does, however, strongly believe that it is time for a woman to be president, and in Hillary she sees someone very presidential.

Now remember, this is a child whose first birthday roughly corresponds with Obama’s first victory. She has never known anything but a black president, and may never really take the time to focus on the historic nature of his election. Instead, I hope she will judge him on his accomplishments.

Where Have they Gone?

My daughter’s commitment to Hillary is particularly intriguing given that so many young, female Democrats are drawn to Bernie Sanders. These women seem attracted to the idealism of the Sanders campaign. The ‘gender’ card argument falls flat on them. As Jill Filipovic wrote in the New York Times Review, it is not so much that these women aren’t feminists, but rather that their feminism is expressed more on an issue by issue level rather than by means of breaking through a barrier.

Older women, however, are generally staunch Hillary supporters. My mother is certainly one of them. When I asked her why she didn’t hesitate: “She has a serious command of complex issues. She has been in or near public office for nearly forty years. She was a very effective Senator from a large and important state.” And her list goes on…..

My mom has been a Hillary fan for a long time. She credits a 1994 PBS Frontline episode celebrating the 25th anniversary of Hillary’s class at Wellesley with convincing her that Hillary deserved a shot in her own right. She was particularly impressed with how, as valedictorian, in response to a very condescending address, she “ignored her prepared remarks and spoke from the heart, effectively ripping his thesis apart.” From her perspective, Hillary showed then that she had the grit and perseverance to operate effectively as a woman in a man’s world.

Coming Full Circle

I love the symmetry of how these different reactions to one candidate coalesce. Each is feminist in its own way, be it breaking barriers or focusing on issues that matter.

As a Gen Xer who bridges the gap between Millennial voters and my mother’s Baby Boom generation, I find I am somewhat swayed by my eight-year old. From her perspective, HIllary comes across as the most presidential: her being a woman in a bonus, but what really matters is that she seems most qualified to do the job.

For her sake, I hope to see a woman President sooner than later. I would like to see the conversation move beyond historic firsts towards ability, experience and ISSUES. Let’s hope that this happens well before 2028, when my feisty one gets to vote.

An Impartial View

Ruth Cole is one of my favourite fictional characters. Since first reading John Irving’s masterful A Widow for One Year in graduate school I have kept an image of Ruth in my mind. I love how, on the one hand, she is deeply flawed and vulnerable, yet, on the other she is tough and feisty. This yin and yang combo makes me want to root for her and protect her at the same time.

I recently re-read Widow. My bookclub had just read A Prayer for Owen Meany, and I felt an intense hunger for more Irving. Ruth beckoned, and she did not disappoint. On re-reading I realized that I still adore Ruth, only now I identify with her more as a peer than simply a character.

Widow is an intense, emotionally charged novel that explores themes of loss, abuse and abandonment. Knowing that, even if you haven’t read the book, it might seem odd to hear that one of the scenes that struck me most this read involves Ruth’s reaction to her German readers wanting her to be more “political.” Against a backdrop of impending German re-unification, Ruth’s German readers hunger for more of her than she is willing (or able) to give. They see her as a social commentator while she sees herself as a storyteller. Her sales rep explains: “your books are political but you aren’t.”(p. 348)

This scene struck me on two levels. First, I relate to it as a consultant. One of the hardest parts of consulting, or at least for me, is remaining an impartial observer hired to help change or tell a story. In my opinion, it is a tremendous skill to maintain an air of neutrality no matter how strong the urge to interject. Holding back some of one’s self is essential to having the credibility to tell the story in way that resonates with a wide audience and not just one group of constituents.

I also think we all have something to learn from Ruth. We need more independent observers in all walks of life. Social problems are inherently political but how we tackle them day-to-day does not need to be. Someone’s inherent bias (and we all have one) should matter less than their unique take on a possible solution. Being engaged in social issues is healthy for society; constantly politicizing solutions is not.

Maybe the over-arching lesson is to put less stock in pundits, and give ourselves over to a good book!

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Poverty Mindset

An AHA Moment

I recently asked my husband to buy a bouquet of flowers for the dining room table. He looked at me askance and asked: “Why — we aren’t having anyone over for a while?” I was overcome by an aha moment. “That is a POVERTY MINDSET“, I replied. “Why not have beautiful flowers on the table to brighten our house and our moods?”

I think most of us are guilty of this kind of thinking from time to time. I know I am. I am naturally very shy. It is much easier for me to ignore someone on the street than to make an effort to say hello. I am very aware that this can make me seem snobby. However, I have no trouble convincing myself that so and so won’t remember me or that I am in too much of a hurry to stop.

What Does it Mean?

I first came across this concept in a feng shui book by Stephanie Roberts. Ms Roberts talks about having a poverty consciousness. Her basic concept is that regardless of how much or little you actually have, your attitude and actions are more powerful indicators of your self-worth than anything else.

I particularly love her spin on the power of positive thinking. Quite simple, happy people are not optimistic simply because they are happy. They are happy, in part, because they think and talk in a positive manner. Conversely, people who project a “woe is me” attitude are not necessarily negative because they are unhappy, but may well be unhappy in part because they habitually think and talk themselves down. Think of the difference between someone who fixates on “things would be better if I only had x” versus someone who approaches each day thinking “I am so lucky that I have y.”

Thinking about the importance of attitude and outlook, led me back to Carol S. Dweck’s book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Ms. Dweck talks about two different mindsets: fixed and growth. Those with a fixed mindset tend to believe that things are what they are. People have certain strengths and weaknesses and need to work within those confines. In other words, you are good at some things and not so good at others. Those with a growth mindset, on the other hand, believe that skills and accomplishments are cultivated through perseverance and effort. You never know what is possible if you commit to trying your best over the long term……

Mindset and Actual Poverty

While I think mindset matters for all of us, I believe it has particularly important ramifications for those who are truly struggling. It is easy to throw around the term “poverty”. Believe me, I do not mean to be cavalier about it. Quite the opposite. I have been tutoring elementary school children since my eldest started kindergarten. I have always gravitated towards those students who are struggling, and who, with some extra help and encouragement, can grasp a concept and keep up with their class.

Many of these kids face immense challenges like hunger, instability and little parental support. These challenges are often coupled with a negative mindset. “School is hard.” “I can’t do it”. As a tutor, I am growing increasingly conscious of how I speak to my students. My role is not only to help them pass a test, but also to help shift their mindset so that they start believing that if they work hard they will start to understand and that they can do it.

This is only one small piece of the poverty puzzle, but since every piece counts, any step towards taking poverty out of one’s mindset is a step forward, in my opinion.