Facing our Fears

Putting Myself Out There

I recently stood for an election.  For what is not important.  Anyone who knows me knows how completely against my nature this was.  Why I agreed I am still not quite sure.  Yet, during the process and its aftermath, I was reminded that things often have a funny way of working out.

Before going further I need to come clean and admit that I lost.  I have no idea by how much or for that matter how close I came to winning.  Yet, it was in losing that I was forced to face my fears about the process and reflect about why it was a good idea to put myself forward despite knowing this loss was a real possibility.

An Inverted Perspective

By some quirky fate of the calendar, the same day I learned that I had lost I attended an intense yoga inversion workshop.  At the time I was simply looking forward to losing myself in my practice; I had no idea how cathartic the workshop would prove to be.

Let me be frank.  I am pretty good at yoga but I am terrified of headstands.  Staying inverted without the support of the wall has been a personal challenge for me for a long time.  I have the strength, I have the form but I lack the confidence.

Spending a concentrated period of time working on staying up in a headstand helped me understand the competing pressures at work.  On the one hand, there is a lot of ego involved.  Why is it so important to me that I master the pose?  On the other, is vulnerability.   Am I really capable of staying up?

Competing Pressures

During the workshop I was struck by the realization that these same competing pressures (ego and vulnerability) were also at the heart of my losing the election.  By agreeing to stand, my ego wanted a win; knowing it was a long shot made me vulnerable.  I wonder if part of what pushed me to stand was a realization that I needed to face my fear of losing.  I needed to stare down my vulnerability and move past it.  Funny how a bruised ego can make one feel less, not more, vulnerable….

Contemplating my personal struggle between ego and vulnerability led me to watch Brene Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability.  I had been “meaning” to watch this for ages.  I just never got around to it.  Listening to Ms. Brown talk about her own vulnerability issues struck a chord with me.  It seems that by leaning into our vulnerability and putting ego aside we become more at peace and centered.

Into the Boardroom

This is a struggle that most leadership teams wrestle with.  Leaders have egos.  Big egos.  Undertaking an organizational assessment of any kind involves putting your ego aside and opening yourself up to vulnerability.

Anytime an individual or team engages a consultant to investigate a problem there is inevitably a degree of fear involved.  What will the process uncover?  Do I really want to know?  Do I need to know?   Agreeing to learn what is actually going on forces a leader to become vulnerable while laying some ego aside.

The beauty of this process, however, is that despite being hard and uncomfortable, it can also yield surprisingly beneficial results.  If knowledge is power, then being willing to open yourself up to what is actually going on may be one of the most effective ways to move forward.  It may not yield the results you want or expect, but it just may lead you down a different, ultimately better, path.