Tag Archives: kids

Keeping it Simple

Simple Instructions, simple tasks

Do you ever feel like you sound like a broken record? I know that I do. I often cringe listening to myself rhyme off reminders: “Brush your teeth.” “Don’t forget your homework.” “Take the garbage out.” Yet, the fabric of our routine and the hum of our household co-exist within these simple tasks.

I am tend to repeat idioms. Chances are you can read one on my fridge on any given day. “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” “What goes around comes around.” “Practice makes perfect.” These phrases so often encapsulate the core message I am trying to share that I admit I may sound a bit trite at times.

Ultimately, however, I have learned that my success, both as a parent and as a consultant, depends on how closely I follow the KISS principle. “KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID.” Time and again I find myself falling back on this concept. It helps guide my decision making; it helps me correct course when things aren’t working out. It seems that following KISS often leads to “things falling into place”!

Mired in the Weeds

I recently got mired in the weeds writing a phone contract for my son. Before undertaking this project I read lots of other contracts. I borrowed the best of each, and wrote up what I thought was an airtight set of rules for managing his phone. This original contract was long on substance but short on enforceability. It was far too prescriptive and, as a result, in the real world of crazy family living, elements were broken without consequence. It was too complicated to enforce consistently, so was not effective when needed.

His new contract boils down to FIVE principles. The heart of which is that it is my phone and that I can do what I want with it, when I want, except he is responsible for paying for any repairs. I don’t think it could be simpler. Simple but effective. I can bring any transgression back to the contract and he can’t really argue with me.

The best thing about the new contract is how uncomfortable it makes my son. He can see how easy it is to enforce and that I mean business. He was much more comfortable stewing down in the weeds than exposed out of them!

Simple Does not Mean Easy

Consulting tools and solutions need to follow this same principle. In my experience, any time a project or report is getting too complicated it is probably time to step back and simplify it. Now believe me, this is harder than it sounds. Gathering information and over-analyzing it is often a lot easier than distilling its core message.

The irony of this is that smart clients often try to pull consultants down into the weeds. Just like my overly complicated phone contract, it is sometimes more comfortable arguing about picky details than identifying and solving REAL problems.

Until you distill your core – SIMPLE – message, it is usually difficult to figure out how to solve a problem. Make your clients and kids uncomfortable: fall back on simple, and see how much easier it is to manage results and realize desired outcomes.

The Art of Rising Above

Pick, Pick, Pick

My brothers and I are each six and a half years apart. In many ways this makes us operate more like only children than like normal siblings. We certainly had our issues growing up, but we generally didn’t battle it out on a regular basis the way many siblings do.

Conversely, I had three kids in four years. Yikes. What was I thinking? On a good day I’ll tell you how lucky they are to have built-in playmates. On a bad day all I hear is bicker, bicker, bicker. Pick, pick, pick. I never knew three people who could manufacture such petty arguments in such a short time.

What my children haven’t figured out yet is that the crux of their grievances with each other often gets lost in the midst of their bickering. I generally react either to their incessant noise or because someone starts to cry. While peace may be temporarily restored, the source of the problem remains, just waiting to erupt again.

Workshop Anyone?

As a consultant, my natural tendency is to problem solve. When I listen in on their arguments it is hard for me to resist the temptation to build a straw-man model and run a mini-workshop. Surely if we talk it out we can find a workable solution!

The problem with this approach is that often what my children see as urgent is such a low-hanging fruit in terms of family issues that it hardly bears acknowledging. Do we really need to waste an hour discussing why it is IMPOSSIBLE to share a music stand? Believe me we could, and I could develop some thoughtful recommendations for moving forward……

The real issue in the case is sharing, and solving this, from my experience, will take patience and persistence. It is not an easy, quick fix.

The Heart of the Matter

What strikes me is the symmetry between picky sibling problems and making sound recommendations. When undertaking any kind of organizational assessment it is easy, and indeed tempting, to focus on the obvious, picky problems. Stakeholders often try to keep a conversation mired in the weeds to avoid talking about what really matters.

The challenge is acknowledging these kinds of issues without focusing on them. The best recommendations tend to contain an AHA element, tempered with a realization that their implementation will take some work. It is only by rising above and taking an objective view of the whole picture that it is possible to determine what is really going on.

Girl Power

Girl Power Eight-Year Old Style

“SHHH. Be quiet. I need to hear this!” So yelled my eight-year old daughter at her brothers. Scott Pelley’s recent interview with Hillary Clinton was about to air on the CBS Evening News.

My daughter, you see, is an unwavering Hillary fan and supporter. She doesn’t really understand the issues yet, particularly as they relate to her well being. She does, however, strongly believe that it is time for a woman to be president, and in Hillary she sees someone very presidential.

Now remember, this is a child whose first birthday roughly corresponds with Obama’s first victory. She has never known anything but a black president, and may never really take the time to focus on the historic nature of his election. Instead, I hope she will judge him on his accomplishments.

Where Have they Gone?

My daughter’s commitment to Hillary is particularly intriguing given that so many young, female Democrats are drawn to Bernie Sanders. These women seem attracted to the idealism of the Sanders campaign. The ‘gender’ card argument falls flat on them. As Jill Filipovic wrote in the New York Times Review, it is not so much that these women aren’t feminists, but rather that their feminism is expressed more on an issue by issue level rather than by means of breaking through a barrier.

Older women, however, are generally staunch Hillary supporters. My mother is certainly one of them. When I asked her why she didn’t hesitate: “She has a serious command of complex issues. She has been in or near public office for nearly forty years. She was a very effective Senator from a large and important state.” And her list goes on…..

My mom has been a Hillary fan for a long time. She credits a 1994 PBS Frontline episode celebrating the 25th anniversary of Hillary’s class at Wellesley with convincing her that Hillary deserved a shot in her own right. She was particularly impressed with how, as valedictorian, in response to a very condescending address, she “ignored her prepared remarks and spoke from the heart, effectively ripping his thesis apart.” From her perspective, Hillary showed then that she had the grit and perseverance to operate effectively as a woman in a man’s world.

Coming Full Circle

I love the symmetry of how these different reactions to one candidate coalesce. Each is feminist in its own way, be it breaking barriers or focusing on issues that matter.

As a Gen Xer who bridges the gap between Millennial voters and my mother’s Baby Boom generation, I find I am somewhat swayed by my eight-year old. From her perspective, HIllary comes across as the most presidential: her being a woman in a bonus, but what really matters is that she seems most qualified to do the job.

For her sake, I hope to see a woman President sooner than later. I would like to see the conversation move beyond historic firsts towards ability, experience and ISSUES. Let’s hope that this happens well before 2028, when my feisty one gets to vote.