Tag Archives: kids

Making Lemonade

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Making Lemonade

making lemonadeBuying the Ingredients

I recently put my son on a bus for a youth group middle school ski trip.  This was one of the hardest things I have had to do as a parent.  My stomach was one big knot as I drove away.  I can only imagine how he felt.

This ski trip was supposed to be great fun.  He was going with a friend who he does not see all that often because they go to different schools.  Neither of them had ever skied; the trip was going to be a chance for them to experience the slopes for the first time together.

Mixing Things Up

So why the knot?  This trip was scheduled for the weekend of the epic snowstorm: Jonas.  CANCELLED, and for good reasons.  Raleigh essentially closed down that weekend, and no one was driving through West Virginia.  The trip was rescheduled, and guess what:  friend had a conflict, and had to bow out.

You can only imagine the scene that followed in our household.

Son:  so I guess I don’t have to go on the ski trip as the deal I was going with my friend.

Mom:  sorry, that is not how the world works.  You made a commitment to the trip, we paid for it, and you are able to go.  You are going.

Son:  this is not fair.  the deal was I was going with my friend.  I can’t go alone.  This is going to be the worst weekend of my life. (a few words not appropriate to print)

What he didn’t understand was how well I could empathize with him.  I wouldn’t have wanted to go on the trip ‘alone’ at his age either.  Yet, there was no way I could let him walk away from the commitment.   And while he wasn’t friends, per se, with the other kids, he did know them, and learning to ski is a pretty awesome opportunity.

Taste Test

Sending him off involved so many life lessons that I hardly know where to start.  The one that most resonated with him, however, was “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”  Much is being written about today’s parents doing so much to pave the way for their kids that this fundamental life skill may become harder to master.

Who doesn’t remember a time when something didn’t work out as planned and having to make the best of it.  The earlier one learns to accept setbacks and pick back up the better.  The challenge for parents these days seems to be staying out of the way and letting their child walk into the situation, ALONE.

Guess what?  He had a great time.  He LOVED skiing, found a friend to ski with and another to sit with on the bus home.  He is already talking about next year!

Nothing like sweet lemonade……

Kids and Guns

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boys playing Lucky Shot

Airsoft gun is a dirty word in our house.  Over the new year a seventh grader in our neighborhood was shot in the eye by one of these pellet guns.  He had taken his mask off for a minute and thought he was out of the game.  Not so thought another child.

Fortunately, the injured child is going to be fine.  His parents threw out all the newly acquired airsoft equipment immediately and are telling everyone to be wary:  just because rules are in place (e.g., facemasks) does not mean these guns are safe toys.

It is worth noting that the twelve year old in question is a very cautious, responsible kid.  As his mother puts it “he is the child who never needed to be reminded to look both ways.”  Furthermore, his mother is one of the most sensible people I know.  She is smart, level-headed and is usually a “NO” parent.

Not so Lucky Shot

This incident has made my boys very interested in the Tamir Rice shooting. “Why would the police shoot a twelve year old?” my eleven year old wants to know. “It was pretty clear the gun was fake” piped in the eight year old after sneakily watching youtube clips of the incident.

It is interesting to me that neither one of them sees race as central to this shooting. That is not discounting the very real racial tension at the heart of the matter, but it is encouraging to see a child’s perspective. One of them looked at me squarely and said “I just don’t get why people would think that” when asked whether Tamir being black might have influenced the police.

From their perspective the safety of airsoft guns issue is much more thought provoking.

The heart of the matter

So in my world, we are now wrestling with a somewhat uncomfortable question about whether or not these realistic toys guns are appropriate toys.  My very black and white daughter wants to know “why people are even calling them toys when they are actually guns?”

My sensible friend maintains the incident has reminded her why children need boundaries.  No matter how mature they seem they are still children and do not always understand the consequences associated with a given action.  How many fifteen year olds do you know who think they are ready to drive?

I hope people share stories like this one, helping to institute appropriate boundaries within families and across communities.  At the end of the day, however, I think my kids got it right:  Race should not matter.  The police should NOT have shot a twelve year old.  Guns should not be toys.

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